The truth about 2017
Today is the one-year anniversary to one of the biggest waves of change that has ever moved the oceans of my life (oooh – that’s deep). One year today, I was fired from one of the best jobs, I thought at the time, I had ever gotten. I mean, I loved my job because it was artistic and I wasn’t micromanaged but I really didn’t like my job… and I couldn’t understand why. But low and behold, out of nowhere, I was fired. I was fired for insubordination. I was fired for standing up to my boss in the hallway, because in private would have made all the difference. From a business point-of-view, I absolutely should have been fired – I stepped out of line. From a collaboration/team-effort/synergy point-of-view, what I said needed to be said for the betterment of the entire company… however, as so many have experienced time and time again, that shit ain’t the way it works.
Unfolding my opinions on the business hierarchy model is not the purpose of this post.
The purpose of this post was for me. The purpose of this post was for me to tell you a valuable life lesson I learned the hard way. Being fired sent a huge blow to my ego, to my soul. It put me in a mind-prison where I spent the next few months in the deep darkness of the unknown where I constantly battled myself, willing myself to keep it together, keep pushing forward, keep trying… on occasion, or many, allowing myself to fall to my knees and cry. In those desperate moments, I started to entertain visuals of ways to quit. In those moments, I had two options: Give up or make it work.
Every time, I chose to make it work (but not for a lack of willpower).
I realize in the grand scheme of life, I don’t have it as bad as I know (or even don’t know) it could have been, but for me, at that time, I was in a bad way.
I was alone. Literally… financially… as an adult… as a human… only the way something with the awareness of solitude could be alone. It was cold and empty. I had never felt so lost in my entire over-analytical existence.
But the sun came out every morning. A new day erased the cold night. The light painted my room with saturation. There was always another chance, another option, something more that I didn’t see the night before.
I became used to the sun coming back.
I became aware of the circle. I became aware of the balance, the ebb and the flow… and how I was fighting something that I would never be able to control… not all the time, for the rest of my life, this back and forth.
So… what if… I sat on a tube… and just went where the flow took me… controlling only how I dealt with where the flow took me? If the flow went to Sad Town, I would allow myself more patience to adapt. If the flow went to Happy Town, I would soak it up, every last bit and not waste one moment on dreading my departure, as I already know that nothing lasts forever when you are constantly moving in a circle.
I began to cherish the good times. I began to coast through the bad times, knowing there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Guaranteed. 100%. So why worry?
I started to relax. I stopped putting so much effort into other people and started to focus more on me. I gave myself more credit. I allowed more time to congratulate myself on victories and more patience in failures. I only allowed myself to be around others who were uplifting and motivated in the ways that spoke to me as to boost my inspiration and motivation. I spoke more of my mind because I knew my intentions were honest and I valued that more than the fear of being misunderstood.
In one year, I have turned my entire life around. I left everything that was no longer serving me and I found myself… I can hear my thoughts and I can speak them… and I do.
The darkness that we face has light. The moments of desperation have hope. It is all in our perception of what we face that separates happiness and unhappiness.
Below is the video I made while experiencing this wave of change. I was angry. I was so angry at the world… and everyone in it. I wanted to hold the world down and shout at it what it made me feel.
So instead of lashing out with force, I used my creativity and learned-skills to pour that energy into…
“I’m here to show you the light: I’m just another one of them.
But I’ve got guns and I’m on your side.”
TuxedoKatPro 